Around This Town and Cleaning Lesson

The Counting Crows song is what I think of driving around these towns. Towns, being the Shoals; Florence, Muscle Shoals, Sheffield and Tuscumbia. I am finally getting where the last three begin and end. "Tomorrow we can drive around this town. And let the cops chase us around. The past is gone but something might be found. To take its place. Hey Jealousy........ and something about, " I've been hanging around this town on a corner. I've been bummin' around ... I've been bummin' around this old town for way too long. We spent all day gettin' ... Around this town my most recent observation is the lavender that Ken has planted at Sweet Magnolia Cafe. It is even prettier this year than last year. The out of place looking guy that goes to Subway must be later than usual this week. I say out of place because of his skinny jeans, hat and converse tennis shoes. He is more New York than Florence. Phil, that frequents Freds and Subway was waiting in front of Freds, day before yesterday. The guy with the suit and greased hair was just past UNA. He reminds me of a cartoon character. I wonder where he goes in that suit. Across the street at the McDonald's my little man on the bench has not been there all week when I pass by at a few minutes to 8:00 am. I always wonder where he is. He may be like me and run late some mornings. The hoarders car was parked at that location yesterday. That car is everywhere, man. That is one of my main wonderings. It is a brown Lincoln, I think. I have seen it parked a street or two over on the street, in front of a house. In my mind I have decided this is where the owner of the hoarder car lives. It does not really surprise me too much that a car can get that full of trash. I am constantly when getting gas throwing stuff away. Some mornings when I get to work I stop at the dumpster. When my daughters were younger, I would tell them that they would get in the car with an arm load of stuff and never get out with nothing; finally there came the need of a clothes basket to tote all the toys and stuff back to into the house. They tell me today that I have changed to the better on keeping things neat. It is really hard to stay ahead of three kids and myself strowing. The fact I really know now is the time is short for the mess that you can not stay caught up on, there is time now. Sad part is there is too much time spent without them. They live too far away and are trying to do all the things that I did for them. Wonderful women they have all become; fills my heart with great joy. The youngest sort of has a hoarders car. Everytime I am with her I clean the fast food cups and stuff out. I am a tad snicky to, because I go shopping in her car. I help myself to a pair of earrings every now and them. The change in the floor is mine for the taking. It is not stealing, because she knows I do it. I owe my doing better cleaning on my Computer Science degree. It has helped me to think of the best ways to accomplish more. Doing things in an organized way makes a huge difference in the amount you can do in a small amount of time. I have gathered a degree along the way, and know it was a good thing.

Counting Sheep

For many years I have had this way of going to sleep. It was probably because I have always liked boys. It started out years ago with just boys I thought were cute. Then as I moved up in the world, it became boys I kissed. I started with the boys that begin with A and try to get to Z. Well there are not any boys that I ever kissed that begin with the letter I, so I just use a boy I knew with the last name Ingram. Then there was the A, for many years I used an Alex that I never kissed, but really wanted to. One day it came to me all of the sudden there was an A; not the first name but the second of a double name, John Allen. So now I had it an A to add to my sheep/boy counting to help me dose off to sleep. There is not a boy with Q either, but Guinn was the last name of one, so I use the Guinn for Q, because it sounds close enough. I have J's running out my ears, so the J's take a while. The last letters of the alphabet don't really matter because I am usally asleep before I get that far. Proving that the counting boys works as well as counting sheep.

A Fish Tale

A redneck with a bucket full of live fish, was approached recently by a game warden in Texas as he started to drive his boat away from a lake. The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?" "Naw, sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there papers. These here are my pet fish." "Pet fish!?!?" "Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home." "What a line of baloney....you're under arrest." The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment man. I'll show ya! We do this all the time!!" "WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!" The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?" "Well, WHUT?" said the redneck. The warden asked, "When are you going to call em back?" "Call who back?" "The FISH," replied the warden! "Whut fish?" asked the redneck. MORAL OF THE STORY: We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain't as dumb as some government employees.

Easter Humor

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what’s wrong. "I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM." The blonde says,"Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny, bends down, and sprays the contents onto him. The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again and again, until he hops out of sight. The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on the Easter Bunny?" The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says... (Are you ready for this?) (Are you sure?) (You know you're gonna be sorry) (Last chance) (OK, here it is) It says, "Hair Spray Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave." HappyEaster!!!

Jesse the Chicken Plucker

Jesse was a chicken plucker. That's right. He stood on a line in a chicken factory and spent his days Pulling the feathers off dead chickens so the rest of us Wouldn't have to. It wasn't much of a job. But at the time, Jesse didn't think he was much of a person. His father was a brute of a man. His dad was actually thought to be mentally ill And treated Jesse rough all of his life. Jesse's older brother wasn't much better. He was always picking on Jesse and beating him up. Yes, Jesse grew up in a very rough home in West Virginia. Life was anything but easy. And he thought life didn't hold much hope for him. That's why he was standing in this chicken line, Doing a job that darn few people wanted. In addition to all the rough treatment at home, it seems That Jesse was always sick. Sometimes it was real physical illness, but way too often it was all in his head. He was a small child, skinny and meek. That sure didn't help the situation any. When he started to school, he was the object of every Bully on the playground. He was a hypochondriac of the first order. For Jesse, tomorrow was not always something he Looked forward to. But, he had dreams. He wanted to be a ventriloquist. He found books on ventriloquism. He practiced with Sock puppets and saved his hard earned dollars until He could get a real ventriloquist dummy. When he got old enough, he joined the military. And even though many of his hypochondriac symptoms Persisted, the military did recognize his talents and Put him in the entertainment corp. That was when his world changed. He gained confidence. He found that he had a talent for making people laugh, And laugh so hard they often had tears in their eyes. Yes, little Jesse had found himself. You know, folks, the history books are full of people Who overcame a handicap to go on and make a success Of themselves, but Jesse is one of the few I know of Who didn't overcome it. Instead he used his paranoia To make a million dollars, and become one of The best-loved characters of all time in doing it! Yes, that little paranoid hypochondriac, who transferred His nervousness into a successful career, still holds the Record for the most Emmy's given in a single category. The wonderful, gifted, talented, and nervous comedian Who brought us Barney Fife Was Jesse Don Knotts.

My Help

The fifth of my five friends I have waited til last to describe. She is the only one that is still a daily part of my life. I do not see her everyday, but talk, text or contact is daily. She is my sister; really brother's wife. She has been a role model for me in many things. She is outspoken, pretty and has a heart of gold. She loves my girls and me. She would do anything for me, if I needed her to. The great thing about what she has done for me is that sometimes she didn't do anything she let me make it on my own. I knew if I needed her and my brother that they would help. I am a better person, because they did not hand over to me what they could have. My girls are better because they were taught to not ask, just go out and get what you can on your own. There are way to many wonderful stories about the last, but not least of my five friends. I just got to pick one.I will do that another day; Scarlett O'Hara style. Tomorrow is another day to gather some stories along the way. Sometimes the heart is not all that visible to just anyone. I like the people that I think like me; it is hard for me not to. I have people that in my life I never see or spend hours of time with that I know love me. Then there a many best friends that I have had that have moved or have went in a different direction than me. I hope to touch on each one of them, I really have gathered a host of admirers along the way. I could be wrong, but it thinking you are loved is good. I can see the goodness in most and try hard to seek it out. I really do not know anyone that is perfect. My main objective in forming great relationships with others is based alot on how I think they feel about me. It is really hard to not love someone that you know loves you. I say love meaning that I basically have love not just like for many people. God says we are to love one another, so to me like is not a strong enough word for what I feel for others. I really mean it when I tell my friends, family and co-workers that I love them. I ran into one of my best friends from the Lexington Fabrics days on Sunday, at the mall. The sewing factories were basically a stab in the back/cut throat kind of environment. Forgetting a meeting that was organized by this friend is something I have not forgotten, but seeing her that day made me realize that saying I love you to her when I was leaving was what I should have done. She said it first actually and I know she meant it. There are really times in your life that you have a falling out with someone; hate them even and as time goes you forget what it was all about. Thus, I have said I didn't like them at one time, but I can't remember why?

'Hawaiian Baked Ham and Swiss Sandwiches'

'Hawaiian Baked Ham and Swiss Sandwiches' Source: King's Hawaiian Ingredients ... 1 12 pack of King's Hawaiian Original Rolls 1 lb. deli ham, shaved 1 lb. Swiss cheese, thinly sliced 1 1/2 sticks butter 3 tablespoons Dijon mustard 1 1/2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce 3 teaspoons of poppy seeds 1 onion, chopped Directions 1. Heat oven to 350. Melt butter and mix in mustard, Worcestershire sauce, onion and poppy seed. Simmer for several minutes. 2. Cut the entire pack of rolls in half, horizontally (keeping all top and bottom halves in tact). 3. In a greased 9x13 pan, place bottom half of rolls and spread 1/3 of the onion mixture over the bottom of the rolls followed by the ham and cheese. 4. Replace the tops of the rolls and spread the remaining onion mixture over top. 5. Cover and bake for 15-20 minutes and, once finished, separate for serving.See More

Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day "The wonderful thing about storytelling is you don't have to be perfect," ~~Katherine Tucker Windham

Oreo/Peanut Butter Cup no-bake Dessert (My Daughter Made This it is Wonderful)

Ingredients... 20 chocolate cream-filled chocolate sandwich cookies, divided 2 tablespoons butter, softened 1 package (8 ounces) cream cheese, softened 1/2 cup peanut butter 1-1/2 cups confectioners' sugar, divided 1 carton (16 ounces) frozen whipped topping, thawed, divided 15 miniature peanut butter cups, chopped 1 cup cold milk 1 package (3.9 ounces) instant chocolate fudge pudding mix Directions Crush 16 cookies; toss with the butter. Press into an ungreased 9-in. square dish; set aside. In a large bowl, beat the cream cheese, peanut butter and 1 cup confectioners' sugar until smooth. Fold in half of the whipped topping. Spread over crust. Sprinkle with peanut butter cups. In another large bowl, beat the milk, pudding mix and remaining confectioners' sugar on low speed for 2 minutes Let stand for 2 minutes or until soft-set. Fold in remaining whipped topping. Spread over peanut butter cups. Crush remaining cookies; sprinkle over the top. Cover and chill for at least 3 hours. Yield: 12-16 servings Recipe from Taste of Home

Another Way to Boil an Egg (Easter)

Easy Hard "Boiled" Eggs! - Remember this tip for Easter!! Bake at 325 for 30... minutes. Remove with Chef's Tongs and place in an ice bath immediately. This is by far the best way to make eggs! You can do 1 egg or 24 eggs...time and temp are the same! Fill the sink with ice water and place them right in there. Eggs are SO EASY to peel, no sticking! **Tip: Place them on their side on a mini muffin pan (on their side so the yolks stay in the middle)...mini muffin pan so they don't roll all over If you do not need this many eggs you can also use your regular muffin pans.

I Was Smarter Than the Grown-ups

Getting to Alabama was a chore for a seven year old girl to say the least. We were all snug at Grandma and Grandpa’s with plenty to eat. Mama was making enough for me to have some better clothes for school. We would have been alright with them. I am still thankful we finally got to come south. The trip was the most nerve racking thing for me. Mama got calls from Daddy often telling her to take us and meet him at the bus station. She would have Grandpa take us everytime he said he would be there. We went more than I can remember that he did not show up. May have been that he did something with the bus fair then had to get more before he could come. He finally did show up. He looked as though he had been living in the street. His face was unshaven. He had on a leather jacket that I thought was really strange for him. He never did answer me when I asked him where he got it. Usually when you asked him something he did not want to answer he would ask, "are you writting a book." I would always say yes. His reply would be, "leave that page out." What a smart ass answer. He really did not like anyone asking too many questions or talking too much. The thing that caused me to panic was he went to get our tickets with me right on his heels, of course. He asked for tickets to the wrong place. I freaked out, he was buying tickets to Pulaski Tennessee. I panicked like no other seven year old had ever panicked. I tugged at the sleeve of the leather jacket telling him that we were supposed to be going to Alabama not Pulaski Tennessee. There was nothing I could do to stop him. I had to go with Daddy and Mama no matter where they went. When we got on the bus we went straight to the back seat. All four of us sat on the back right side of the bus. There was plenty of room, because I was so worried that I stood up the whole seven-hundred and something miles. I was for sure he had messed up and was taking us to the wrong place. I was so relieved to find out how close Pulaski Tennessee was to Alabama. At seven I did know that it was two different states. My grandmother, aunt and her two little girls arrived not long after the bus. Daddy did have enough time before they got there to buy a new shirt and shave in the bathroom. I stood and watched as he shaved almost knowing the reason why. Daddy freshly shaven with a brand new shirt he had bought just so my grandmother would not see the rags he was wearing. The leather jacket was not needed as it was hot here. He just left it in the men's room at the bus station. I still wonder if it was ok for me to be in the bathroom watching Daddy shave. I guess it was. Could have been it was not a mens room at all. There was possibly just one for everyone to use. The way it faced is still vivid in my mind. Years later I would not only watch him shave; I would shave him. This shave was on a Sunday afternoon for him to head to Jackson Mississippi to work. He had come home for the week-end and was not all that able to head back on Sunday evening. I knew he needed to go for the money, or work. Work was what he was supposed to do. I knew this, but money what would it be used for. Grandmother made sure my brother and I were sheltered, feed and clothed. I just wanted him to go, because that was what he should do. The four of us fit into the back seat of my daddy's only sisters car. In 1967 the roads from Pulaski that we traveled that day were still dirt roads. It was the end of June. June 28, seems to be the exact date to me for some reason. My girl cousins were in the front seat with Grandmother and daddys only sister. There were three boys and one girl born to Grandmother and Granddaddy. She was the youngest and my daddy was the oldest. We must have seemed like aliens to the two little girls riding up front. They peeped over the seat all the way back to Grandmothers house. Which I was so relieved that I was wrong in thinking Daddy did not know where he was supposed to be going.

Some What I've Gathered in Fifty Years

*Karma is real. I really am almost sure that it is. The thing about Karma is that is that it happens to everyone at one time or another. Maybe worse things happen to some than others. Maybe those people have done worse things than others. Karma to me is close to the same thing as "Reaping what you have sewn". At times I wonder what I have done in the past to make me pay/suffer at times. I really believe that Karma has come my way more times than one. I just think that before you throw the Karma card at someone, you need to remember that nobody is perfect. The Karma card can be played against you too. *People can tell you anything. Believing them is what you have to decide. Usually when you hear gossip there is a little bit of truth in it. Believing or not believing it is not really we should choose to do; consider that kindness is something that would be better than judging. *As far as music goes, the seventies had the greatest bands; they just don't right 'em like that anymore. I know that Fleetwood Mac is the greatest band ever; Dreams the best song on the Rumors Album. Don Henley was the best vocalist for the Eagles and Joe Walsh's guitar playing cannot be described by mere words. Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel are not just musicians they are poets. I remember where I was the first time I heard 'Play that Funky Music'. I remember what I was doing the first time I heard 'Rock Me Gently'. I can die now because I have seen, The Eagles, Fleetwood Mac and Elton John, in concert. There are songs that have profound lyrics that I make everyone be quiet and listen to a specific line of a song. In the song ‘Turn the Page’; the line is "When the Sweat Drops off your body like the music that you play". In the Paul Simon Slip Sliding away song it is "A good day ain't got any pain and a bad day is when you lay in bed and think of what might have been." The Eagles Dirty Laundry song is "get the widow on the phone." In the song Walking in Memphis it is "Brother are you a Christian, son? Man I am tonight!”

Giggle; Giggle; Snort; Snort

Should children witness childbirth? Good question. Here's your answer. Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could See while he helped deliver the baby... Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed And pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.. Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place.....smack his ass again!

There's one sad truth in life I've found while journeying east and west -the only folks we really wound are those we love the best.We flatter those we scarcely know, we please the fleeting guest, and deal full many a thoughtless blow to those who love us best. ~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

My First Plane Ride

We had to go to my grandpa's funeral up north. Mama had attended her mother's funeral five years before, but was in a huge hurry to get home, because her twin granddaughters had been born on the same day as her mother died. I missed my grandma's funeral because I was having babies. Five years later when my grandpa died, it was a given that we travel to Michigan for the funeral. Money was tight so we decided Grey Hound bus was the best way to travel to the funeral. Thirteen hours on a bus was not the greatest trip in this world. I was then expecting my baby girl and the trip was extra hard on me. We did the up there trip on the bus. My aunt after the funeral decided that it was too much for us to take the long bus ride back to Alabama. My Uncle Buddy offered to buy plane tickets for the returning trip. I needed to get back to work quicker, also. We made the five minute trip to the airport and that is when the fun started. Mama did not want to fly. She was terrified of the whole thought of it. Difficult was the least of what was to expire on this trip. Going through the security check was something she was not willing to do easily. She was holding on to her purse and was so determined not to do what my cousin, Alan and I wanted her to do that She would not place her purse on the belt for it to be scanned. In an airport that is something that is a given, but not for her. She was mental and had the papers to prove it. The security guards were in the dark as to who Mama was and did not care that she was not all there. All they knew is that this lady would not sit her purse down on the belt to be scanned. The normal reaction for security was to seize the woman that was causing problems. That is what they did, three of them grabbed her, this just made her that much crazier she was jerking away and Alan and I was begging please Mama just put your purse on the belt. Alan was pleading Aunt Jean all you have to do is let them see what's in your purse. After what seemed like hours she calmed down enough to place her purse on the x-ray belt thing. We finally made it on the plane seated, but not without her loudly groaning, uhgg constantly. She was not being quiet with her uhgg's either. In the air we were and uhgg was echoed by her over and over. At this time smoking was still aloud on planes. It was 1988 thank goodness because I think if she was flying today she would have smoked no matter what the rules were. She loved men always had, and the man that boarded in Nashville I am sure wished he had another seat. I was next to the window, she was in the middle and this poor man was on the end next to Mama. As soon as he was seated Mama laid her head on his shoulder. This was a perfect stranger, but she did not care, he was a man and he would comfort her rest of the trip. With this I began kicking her under the seat and whispering for her to get off of the man. Each time I touched her leg with my foot she yelled quit kicking me, why are you kicking me for, this echoed throughout the plane. I was so embarrassed that I just gave up and let her ride lying on the man's shoulder that she did not know. We made it home that was all that really mattered. I was used to all of my mama’s stuff at home, it was really different out in the real world. It at the time was almost mortifying; but now it is a wonderful and funny memory I have gathered along the way. My mother was really who she was and did not care what anyone thought. If children today would realize that loving their parents unconditionally is part of God’s plan maybe it would be a happier world.

What do you get when you cross poison Oak and a four leaf clover? A rash of good luck.

Joke Break

Joke of the Day A very gentle Southern lady was driving across the Savannah River Bridge in Georgia one day. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixing (ready) to jump. She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, 'Please don't jump, think of your dear mother and father.' He replied, 'Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to jump.' She said, 'Well, think of your wife and children.' He replied, 'I'm not married and I don't have any kids.' She said, 'Well, think of Robert E. Lee.' He replied, ''Who's Robert E. Lee?'' She replied, ''Well bless your heart, just go ahead and jump, you dumb Yankee.'

My Easter Dresses

One of my favorite Easter dresses ever was light green polyester. It was plain to begin with solid green. Grandmother made the dress and decided that it needed something more. To this day light green and pink together are two of my favorite color combinations. The collar of the dress was pointed. On each point of the collar she tacked a pick flower that she took from an old nightgown Aunt Elaine brought to me when she visited from Orlando Florida. It was always neat to me that I had an aunt that lived in Florida. The pink flower on the collar was so pretty to me. I was happy with that. Grandmother still thought it needed one more thing. She found a piece of pink cotton material and made a bow to tie and tack to the center of the neck. Thus I had another wonderful Easter dress. One Easter when I was older my dress was off white cotton with black berry prints on it. Both black ripe blackberries and red not ripe; it was the prettiest fabric I had ever seen. The pattern Grandmother used was simple as most patterns she used were. If the pattern was very complicated she would just alter it to her liking. Fabrics of the past stand out in my memory. There are a couple of quilts that are still around that I can pick out which one of my dresses was cut into quilt pieces. Even one of the quilts has stitching that my daddy stitched. I can still pick out his section of the quilt after forty years. The immediate family consisting of Mama, Daddy, my little brother and I were rescued by my grandmother when I was seven. We came from up north when Daddy had lost our house, because he drank too, much to keep his job. My grandmother and they were well known in the rural southern community. The neighbors and relatives were ready to give her whatever she might be able to use for feeding and clothing my family. Hand me down clothes were always exciting to me. There are many that I wish I still had today. Grandmother was frugal to say the least. A ladies adult suit could be cut down to a size seven little girls if you were my grandmother. There was a maroon cotton skirt and jacket worn by my thin small middle aged great aunt, she cut down for me. I wore it with the greatest of pride. It had black and brown mingles giving the appearance of paint brush strokes. It was the seventies and it gave me all the style a seven year old ever wanted.

Quote for the Day

"There’s one sad truth in life I’ve found while journeying east and west-the only folks we really wound are those we love the best. We flatter those we scarcely know; we please the fleeting guest, and deal full to many a thoughtless blow to those who love us best.’~~~Wheeler Wilcox

Boiling Eggs

Directions for Large Eggs: 1. Place eggs in a saucepan with enough COLD tap water to cover completely by 1 inch. Bring to a ROLLING boil over HIGH heat. Once the water is brought to a rolling boil, PROMPTLY reduce heat to a lower medium boil and cook an additional 10 minutes for a “hard boiled” egg. For a “soft boiled” egg reduce the time by a few minutes. 2. Remove from heat and IMMEDIATELY place eggs under ice cold water or in a bowl of ICED water to chill promptly to help yolks stay bright yellow. Chill for a few minutes in the cold water until the egg is completely cooled. This is an extremely important step which prevents the greenish “ring” from forming on the surface of the yolk over time. If the egg is not chilled immediately after cooking an unsightly dark greenish ring will eventually appear on the outside of the yolk. 3. To peel...crack on all sides, roll egg between hands to loosen shell,and remove shell. Enjoy, with a light sprinkling of salt if desired. To serve in egg cup, place egg in cup small end down, slice off large end of egg with knife or egg scissors and eat from shell with spoon. Refrigeration is necessary for hard boiled eggs if the eggs are not to be consumed within a few hours. Refrigerated boiled eggs, kept in the shell, can be kept for up to 1 week.

Church Humor

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman, who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?' The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.' 'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked. 'Nope, sure ain't,' said the man. 'Don't you realize that I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan. 'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man in an even tone. 'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan. 'Yep,' was the calm reply. 'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan. ' Nope,' said the old man. More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?' The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 58 years.

Giggle-Giggle-Laugh-Snort-Bahaha-Snort

A Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember .. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?' 'Sure.' 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it.' 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?' He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.' 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks. Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!' Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast?'

Never Ever Give Up

I have the most wonderful daughters ever. What makes them so wonderful to me is that they love me. I would add; so much on to the end of that sentence, but maybe that is bragging too, much. I would love to give myself total credit for the women that they have become, but really they are better people than I am. Their morals are better than what I had when I was raising them. Many of my days were spent with a "you do what you got to' do, attitude." In the worst of times I was so ashamed that I was working two jobs, trying to feed us, that I hid many things from my family. In the small town we lived in what made me think that my brother, friends and other family members were not going to hear the things that was going on at my house. I always say, "That you have to pay attention to what your children are doing." Saying that and doing that all the time was something that I slacked on when I was really tired and having issues with work, money and trying to keep a house up. I worked for Lexington Fabrics; that was not easy work either. Some of the people in those plants got great pleasure in kicking you when you were down. NAFTA changed all we ever thought was good about our textile jobs. The hardest times I had there was when I was auditing shirts that we received from Mexico. This job was the lowest least respected job in the whole company. It did not help any that the boss was so totally out to see me starve. She knew how much I needed to work every hour that I could. I am really as nice as I seem to be. I tried so hard to make her understand all I wanted was to be treated as the others. One day I did tell her she was just mean and made her cry. Her grandson worked for us and did anything. I brought it to her attention one day that he did not need to be unloading trucks because he seemed to be on something. The only thing I got was the rest of the people there listening to her down me. There were some Mexican boys working at the time. She told them to clip the entire label as seconds; don’t take the time to look them. She made me look them and write down what was wrong with the shirt. That was what was supposed to be done according to the rules, so I did it. The boys didn’t do it, because the boxes got out of her way sooner. Mr. McCreary had always seen to it that I was taken care of; then his health started to fail and he was not there to see the way I was being treated. From the time I started at the age of seventeen with that company it was no secret as to how hard I worked. When times got hard for me one person decides that I should not get any overtime. That would be fine if everyone in building was getting overtime, but me. I took this until I could not take it anymore. One day my actions became way out of character for me. It came close to regular time to get off and I hear that everyone is working over, but I am told by Miss Plant Manager that I am not needed to stay. It was Friday afternoon. I decided I was not going home until everyone else did; I didn't care what the boss said, so there I stand working away and mad as hell. The boss comes and tells me to go home. My response, hell no, I ain't leaving until everyone else does. She leaves and comes back to tell me to go home, I give her the same response only madder by then. She comes back again with one of the big bosses at the time. I tell him the same, hell no, I am not leaving until everyone else does. I have more respect for him and finally calmed down enough to leave. This was Friday and I just knew Monday I would not have a job. It was not long after this; that none of us had a job.I came in on Monday and was written up. The Vice President said what I did was insubordination and that he had to make it look like he was writing me up. The write up was never formally filed and within a month I was given my own department to manage. The person that caused me so much pain at work has since had a terrible tragedy happen to her grandson. When the plants closed ironically they purchased the restaurant that I would leave the Cotton Gin Plant to moonlight at. Fate, Karma or whatever you want to call it; don't ever think you have it made. I have gathered along the way that no matter how hard you try there are people that just love to see you down. Loving each other would make the world a much better place.

Facebook, Where Were You When?

Lexington Alabama Customers of The Lexington Water Department. Lock outs begin again today, So Please if you are more than 30 days behind please call or come by with your payment you are subject to disconnection. Thanks we take visa and mastercard *********************** This is so funny to me. I was the most wanted on the Lexington Water Department's list. Ok, you can't pay your water bill, but hopefully you have internet or a smart phone, so that the Water Department can tell you your water is going to be cut off.

“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.”

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Ramblings, Around This Town and A Joke

Yes Men that are what I call them. You are on someone's side no matter how wrong they are, just because that is who you are talking to. That is also a person that takes a side; even if it is wrong, just because more people are for that person. It is sad how fast people forget what others have done for them in the past, just by listening to what someone says. This burns my ass worse than a three foot tall candle. Talk is cheap. I hope that I never forget what people have done for me. I hope no matter how life changes people that I can love them for what they once done for me. Seeing the good in others is what God wants us to do. I pray the Lord doesn’t let me listen to the bad and forget the good. *************** Around this town: *Jimmy O is back on the QLT Morning Show. Thank goodness. He was back at the end of last week; makes the morning drive much better. *Shoalanda changed the picture of Travis Clemmons to Jr. Witt; which is good, because Jr. is cuter. *There were a young couple at the corner between Arby's and Zaxby's yesterday. I had no cash as usual. This being the reason I didn't even read their sign. The couple there yesterday looked as if they needed more than the couple that was there a few months ago. The man was not at the McDonald's in North Florence this morning. *There was a person in the Hardtimes this week that I am positive that it had to be a mistake. No way would this person shop life. No Way. I hope that she can get the paper to print a rebutle when she is cleared. *********** Joke Break: In town the local policeman was making his evening rounds… As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.. He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car or were they trying to steal it? 'Heavens no, we bought it.' 'Then why don't you drive it away?' 'We can't drive.' 'Then why did you buy it?' 'We were told that if we bought a used car here, We’d get screwed ... so we're just waiting.'

Joke Break

An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked "What a shame the old man is walking and the boy is riding." The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Later they passed some people who remarked, "What a shame.... he makes that little boy walk." So they then decided they'd both walk! Soon they passed some more people who remarked, "They're really stupid to walk when they have a decent donkey to ride." So, they both rode the donkey. Now they passed some people who shamed them by saying "How awful to put such a load on a poor donkey."The boy and man figured they were probably right,so they decide to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned. The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well... Kiss your ass goodbye!

All Things Southern/Some Yankee

I am all about Southern. That does not mean that I totally forgot the first seven years of my life. I spent them way up north. The one time I have been back there I felt as though I was at the edge of the earth. It seems that I was so far up that I could go no farther. On my drives to work I notice the regulars that you see along the way. I have always wondered what random people lives are like. My Grandpa picked my brother, mama and me up every Tuesday to spend the day with them. He had a black Ford. The roads were made of concrete; to this day when I get on a concrete road it reminds me of Wayne Michigan. I still recall one random person and wonder why this little boy was running down the street crying. I am in the back seat of my grandpa's black Ford, on Tuesday to spend the day with them. I am and always will be a sponge soaking up what I see along the way. This little boy in my mind has lost his mama. I am sure that whatever was happening to him was really bad the way he was crying. The same thoughts are in my mind each morning that I see the guy at Mickey D's. Today he had lots of cans. I am told they are like a nickel a piece now. It seems to me that today, he had enough to more than pay for his coffee, that he always drinks. Today I did not see the lady with long hair that seems to be in another world as she walks down Wood Avenue. She was walking yesterday and had on a heavy dark-grayish-blue coat with fake fur around the hood. I am told there is a half-way house around UNA somewhere maybe that is where they stay. When we lived on Morley Street in Wayne there was a man that looked a lot like the man with the cans in North Florence. My daddy was familiar with the winos and hoboes of the neighborhood we lived in; I am thinking this is why it did not bother Daddy for this man to sleep in the junk car in our driveway. This really bothered Mama, so I at seven or younger decided one day to make the hobo get out of the car and out of our yard. Tell me why a grown man would run from a small girl swinging a broom? The man ran, he really did. I am not sure if he came back or not. He must not have or I would remember I think. Our re-location to Alabama was the greatest adventure of my life. The experiences of my life before I was seven are not all that great. The food was not as good; much of the time there was not any and my mama was not the best cook in the world. It was so cold and even colder in the wet bed that I had wet and was not changed. Southern is better to me for many reasons. Southern Comfort to me is really more than a brand if whiskey. Southern Comfort to me is having normal comforts of home.It really probably means more to me than most, because of the comfort that I finally experienced when we came to Alabama. We went to a home that was warm and the food was great. I wondered all around the twenty acres that was my daddy's parents. There was nothing I did not try to figure out about the cows, barns and gardens. The barn lot was my first stop for my little mind to begin its wondering. The salt block that was placed for the cows to lick was yellow. It was the same color yellow of the small buttercups that grew on the bank of my new southern yard. This object was of great fascination to me. I could not figure out what is. It had been licked by the cows, so it looked like something melted. I came to the conclusion that it was a yellow garbage can that had been melted burning the trash. In time I would learn different, but I still remember how neat that yellow blob in the barnyard was. It was an honest mistake for a seven year old that had always seen grown-ups burning stuff in the yard. This is just another thing that I have gathered along the way. Much of which I gathered on my own and figured out I was wrong on my own.

Love Is...................

Touching words from the mouth of babes..
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds,
'What does love mean?'
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined
See what you think:
When my grandmother got arthritis , she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'
Rebecca- age 8
'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
Billy - age 4
'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'
Karl - age 5
'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'
Chrissy - age 6
'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'
Terri - age 4
'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'
Danny - age 7
Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.'
Emily - age 8
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate. '
Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday..'
Noelle - age 7
'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'
Tommy - age 6
'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'
Cindy - age 8
'My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'
Clare - age 6
'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'
Elaine-age 5
'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'
Chris - age 7
'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'
Mary Ann - age 4
'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'
Lauren - age 4
'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)
Karen - age 7
'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross..'
Mark - age 6
'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'
Jessica - age 8
And the final one
The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry.'

Love is...............

  “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

                                                                                              ― Marilyn Monroe

 

Love is......Dancing to your favorite song

“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching.  Love like you'll neve  Sing like there's nobody listening,

  And live like it's heaven on earth.”
                     ― William W. Purkey



Love is.........when he shows off for you.







Love is........Sharing



Love is.......the great times spent together

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

― Dr. Seuss




Love is........when you will wait for him in the rain.


“I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love.” ― Marilyn Monroe

Love is........the smiles you bring to one another

Love is.........making his favorite meal

Valentine's Day and Being Bullied

Let me see; I have had good ones and not so good ones that has never stopped me from looking forward to this day. I really was pissed the year I was having the twins, when my ex didn't send me flowers to work on Valentine's Day. The sewing factories on that day were filled with flowers. We all waited for our name to be called to come to the office. That annoucement meant you were coming back with a bauquet. My name did not get called that year and my husband got called by anything but his name, by me.
I always loved it when we did the little notes in grammar school. That was one of the things that I got to participate in when there were many activities that I did not. Grandmother did always make sure that we got the box of Valentine cards for our class. I chose each one carefully. I gave the best one's to my best friends. I gave the good ones to the kids in my class that I really wish were my best friends. Then there was the chance to correspond with that little boy that never paid attention to me; the cute one that I admired from a distance. This was a way of maybe he would know who I was. My crushes were always on the boys that were better than me. I was in love with Johnny Hall from the first day he came to Lexington. He talked to me maybe four times in twelve years. I didn't forget he did, but I don't remember what he said. Howard Hyche was another one. Then there was James Hardy. He knew it because I think I literally ran chasing after him a couple of times. John Wayne Masonia, cutest guy ever, but he was younger than me. He later became one of my best friends. Then there was dang, I forget his name, ah, flip Alex Barnett. He thought I was a little brat. The high school hallway was the step up for boy watching and following. My friend Dwan and I had that game down pat. She loved David P. My friend Sandra always liked Travis. We all had one we wanted to meet as we walked around and around for ten minutes at 1 o'clock every day.

Joan always had a boyfriend. She was probably the hottest one of all of us.

She was tough, as well as hot. When we played Murder Ball/Dodge Ball, she could knock you down with the ball. The craziest thing that happened during the end of our high school career was when Joan tied up Janet R in the girl’s bathroom. Joan and Kim tied her up with tape or gauze, maybe both, I don't remember. This was during the long break at one in the afternoon. She was lying in the bathroom floor and could not get up. There were many girls willing to untie her, until Joan said if they did she would whoop their butts. It may have been tying them up, whichever one, they were afraid of Joan or her mouth. It may seem that today we have more serious things happen in our schools, but thirty years ago there were bad girls, too. The Rogersville fight made me remember this story. We talked a lot of smack about whooping someone, but I only had one fist fight the whole time I was in school. This was not at school, either. My fight was when I stopped the car and fought with my friend that was riding with me. My brother and her brother were in the back seat while we jumped out of the car and went at it on the side of the road. It was just before you get to the curve at what we called our Mandy Farm. When we finished the fist fight we got back in the car and drove her and her brother home to Whitehead. That was the end of that fight. Bullying went on then, also. I was bullied by boys more than girls. I still remember being called ugly and being told "I hate you", by Randall. He is really nice to me today, but he was a mean little boy. There were drugs, but mainly pot. Many people still have not decided if pot is a good thing or a bad thing. Pills were really not an issue. There were some that would take Sinus Medicine, because it pepped them up. The drug incidents at Lexington during school hours were small. On homecoming one time my boyfriends friend got his truck searched for pot, but I don't think they found any. Then there was once when a girl came staggering down the hall from taking something, she didn't even know what she had taken. My guess is valium or Qualuids. She was not sent to re-hab or kicked out of school. It was not as bad, so the punishment was not so bad, I guess. I do not remember Opiates being mentioned, in high school,  they probably had not been invented yet. We really need to realize that kids will be kids and pay close attention to what they are doing. Never think mine won't, you never know.

Ramblings/Breakfast for Supper-Burnt Biscuits

Around this town;

*I was beginning to get worried about the guy at the Mickey D's in North Florence, but he was back yesterday. I do not remember seeing him at all in the mornings last week. He was there around four yesterday. I am glad he was back.
*Still wondering why T&G took Tinker's place on QLT in the morning.
*I am ready for J. O. to be back, also.
*The guy with the big nose was not in the Hardtimes this week; I hope he is alright. I think he must be homeless and is getting arrested for public intoxication and not paying his fines; that is why is is in there over and over. I'm just saying. I really don't know.
*Didn't see anyone over the week-end asking for money at any curbs.
That reminds me of what my son-in-law told me last week. I gave a guy the only dollar I had in my purse in the Walmart Parking lot. He was sitting on the curb close to the Garden Center. I went past him and then noticed he was putting is hand to his mouth, pretending to eat. This gesture meaning he needed food. I turned around and gave him the dollar. I would have given a five, but don't have cash hardly ever.
I was on my way to my daughter’s house when this happened, so of course I tell the story when I get to her house. My son-in-laws response to this was, "if you ever see me doing that, don't give me anything." He said that if he would have to have done something really bad, for his family to not be there to for him. It would have to be bad for my Nanny not to feed me. He has a point, but life does happen. We never know what we may need before we leave this world. "
Don't ever think you have it made."~~~Me
**********************
The story below is nothing like what would have went down if my mom had of burnt biscuits once. If Mama made biscuits chances are they would have been burnt every time. Daddy was not nice about anything she did cook; maybe that is why is chose to never get us a place to live when we ended up at Grandmother's. There were not many times that she had to totally cook a meal for him. There was a time that she did fix him chicken and dumplings. I know that they were terrible, but, really why did he throw a glass of tea and hit her in between the eyes. Drinking, or getting off a drunk was the excuse for that; that day. I watched this happen as a young girl with amazement, but not saying anything to him. In later years I would appreciate anything Mama did for me. She could cook my girls pancakes that they loved. They still talk about them today. She made them in shapes of animals. They probably just turned out that way, but she did anything they asked her to do. Daddy did not see that she really wanted to please. Grandmother made the biscuits and they were always great. We had breakfast for supper when we killed hogs. This was because there was fresh tenderloin to have gravy and biscuits with; eggs were not included in the meal. We had salmon, gravy and biscuits often, but there were no eggs. That made it not breakfast really. The story below is an example of how men should treat their wives and how people should really not sweat the small things. I can honestly say that pointing out mistakes in others is something I rarely do, even when mine are pointed out often. Really, if you have to belittle someone to be big you really aren't a big person, at all.

Burned Biscuits

When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for ... dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that ugly burned biscuit. He ate every bite of that thing... never made a face nor uttered a word about it! When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burned biscuits every now and then." Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides - a little burned biscuit never hurt anyone!" As I've grown older, I've thought about that many times. Life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people. I'm not the best at anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. But what I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each other's faults, and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

And that's my prayer for you today... that you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of God. Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give you a relationship where a burnt biscuit isn't a deal-breaker!

We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is

The base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or

Friendship!

"Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket - keep

it in your own."

So, please pass me a biscuit, and yes, the burned one will do just fine.

Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

"Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point."

My Big Year and A Few Ramblings

I must have writters block or something. If you have noticed I have been sharing jokes, stories, and e-mails instead of any original material. One reason being there is so much going on that I would show my mood and opinions more than I should. Facebook don't get me started; WTF is wrong with people? I am the biggest fb watcher ever; guilty, guilty, guilty. I post lots of pictures. I comment and like often. I read a bunch. I post sometimes and then delete, because my post seems stupid when I go back and read it again. Facebook is a wonderful place to share pictures and events that are happening in your life. Good things such as prayers being said, knowing when someone is sick, and has lost a family member is to me the best thing that has come from the social site. But then there are haters and families that air their dirty laundry for the whole world to see. That really scares me. There is no way I would post on these subjects. I used to post on forums and got my feelings hurt a couple of times. If you really want to see some examples of "what are you thinking?" read the stuff on Bob. The strangest thing to me was that many posting I know and they had done the same things that they were bashing him for. They were on his side when they had done what he was against. Does it feel that good to have your name with a comment by it?
***************
It is days past the end of the first month of my big year. "How's that working out for me? Wouldn't that be the common question concerning my Big Year? The plan seems to not be going all that well. Wanting it all seems something that I don't deserve. Selfish is really something that is hard for me to be, so I guess my wanting it all is not really going to work out.  That is really just a waste of time. My looking better is shot to shit already. At first I was looking a little slimmer.  I am going to soon look like Honey Boo-Boo's mother or even worse.  I want to look better, but then there is "where does all the money go?" That means spending $115.00 to have my hair done is totally out of the question. My 'do' now looks like a woman running out of a mobile home on an episode of COPS. This morning I thought I was looking pretty good. I had done my make-up at the redlights as I do most every morning. Yes, I was looking good in my mind, then I saw in a bigger mirror; way too much blush. Makes me flush just to think, how I can really appear old and stupid at times.
**************
The fifth of my five friends I have waited til last to describe. She is the only one that is still a daily part of my life. I do not see her everyday, but talk, text or  contact is daily. She is my sister; really brother's wife. She has been a role model for me in many things. She is outspoken, pretty and has a heart of gold. She loves my girls and me. She would do anything for me, if I needed her to. The great thing about what she has done for me is that sometimes she didn't do anything she let me make it on my own. I knew if I needed her and my brother that they would help. I am a better person, because they did not hand over to me what they could have. My girls are better because they were taught to not ask, just go out and get what you can on your own. There are way to many wonderful stories about the last, but not least of my five friends. I just got to pick one.

Sometimes the heart is not all that visible to just anyone.  I like the people that I think like me; it is hard for me not to.
I can see the goodness in most and try hard to seek it out. I really do not know anyone that is perfect.
***********
My main objective in forming great relationships with others is based alot on how I think they feel about me. It is really hard to not love someone that you know loves you. I say love meaning that I basically have love not just like for many people. God says we are to love one another, so to me like is not a strong enough word for what I feel for others. I really mean it when I tell my friends, family and co-workers that I love them. I ran into one of my best friends from the Lexington Fabrics days on Sunday, at the mall. The sewing factories were basically a stab in the back/cut throat kind of environment. Forgetting a meeting that was organized by this friend is something I have not forgotten, but seeing her that day made me realize that saying I love you to her when I was leaving was what I should have done. She said it first actually and I know she meant it. There are really times in your life that you have a falling out with someone; hate them even and as time goes you forget what it was all about. Thus, I have said I didn't like them at one time, but I can't remember why?

Joke Break & David Letterman Top 10

'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.'
'How much do you charge?'
'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.
'I'll sleep on it,' I said.
Six months later the shrink saw me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.
'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'
'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't room for anyone under there now!'
                                               ******************
Top 10 reasons men prefer guns over women:
#10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
#9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
#8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
#6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
#5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4 - Guns function normally every day of the month.
#3 - A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
#2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the Number One reason
Why Men Prefer Guns over women.....
#1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun
                                      ***********************

Joke Break:
I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar.
Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland ?"
One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"
So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland ?"
And that's the last thing I remember.

Old Story

In Tennessee a man sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog for Sale.” He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees a black mutt sitting there.“You talk?” he asks. “Yep” replied the mutt. “So, what’s your story?”The mutt looks up and says, “Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told CIA about my gift. In no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.“I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife and a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”The gut is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. “Ten dollars,” the owner says.“This dog is amazing,” the guy says.

“Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?” “he’s such a liar,” the owner replies. “He didn’t do any of that stuff.”

Different Day

Today started different; just a little but, there were a couple of out of my same ole, same ole's that were different. It was cold and rainy; schools were delayed, making me wonder should I wait a bit to head to work. It didn't take me long to decide against that. I headed out, wondering should I go across the new bridge or take my regular route, by UNA. It takes longer, but I like the drive much better. There is more to see and wonder about; gather as I would call it. This morning the little bearded guy was not on the bench at the North Florence McDonalds. I guessed the rain had kept him in; I am then wondering where in might be? He had a cup of McDonald’s coffee yesterday and his grocery cart had several cans in it. I have often thought I should collect some cans for him. I haven't yet, but that don't mean that I won't. Jimmy Oliver was not on the radio this morning. That always makes for a different start for the day. Then there was the song 'Were Wolves of London' followed way too soon by, 'Bad Moon a Rising'; very close to the same song, kind of. I used to think that the words were "there's a bathroom on the right, instead of "there's a bad moon on the rise". Where is Tinker Boyd? He has been replaced with the T & G Auto Sales guy. Maybe I will get used to it, but that one of the deferent’s of today, also. He has been there for a few weeks, I think, but I am talking about deferent’s of today, today. This is like some people do, talk and talk and really say nothing. I have done that; really not said anything, but ramble a bit about a different day I gathered along the way.

Resolutions; This is Going to Be My Year

What do I want? I want it all. This year I am going to get it, too. It is January third; the third day of a new year. Every year at this time I tell myself that I will be better. I am not just talking about losing weight or quitting smoking. It is always way more than that to me. It is being better at everything. It is not being better, I want to be perfect. Organizing my junk is on the list sometimes. Sending birthday cards to everyone; not just family, but old friends that will be surprised I even still think of them. This year is going to be different. This year I am not going to wake up and it be July and remember that I kept none of my resolutions. I am really going to try and be a better person. I have decided this, if I am a better person, there will be more in it for me. I have gone through many years feeling sorry for myself, because those around me act as if I don't deserve as much as they do. Well that is my fault; I don't let anyone know that I think I deserve. I am going to ask for what I want. I can get this by earning the respect I deserve, by being better person.  It is true I know you have to earn it, and I will. I really am as nice and un-selfish as my personality reflects. My resolutions are to help and visit more. I want to let the people in my life know that I am still here and ready to find the self satisfaction others have, by knowing I am just as good as anyone. There really is an old Garner saying, "I am as good as anyone and better than some." Another one that may not be a Garner saying, but sure sounds like one, "I wish I could buy him for what he is worth, and sell him for what he thinks he is worth." That is a little mean, but still funny and true at the same time. I can be mean.
I really think mean is funny sometimes. I can be mean in a way that most people don't even pick up on it. I really don't like to be called dumb or stupid; my favorite response to that is, "I don't see your ass doing any tricks." It is a secret-self-satisfaction kind of mean that I get the pleasure from.  There is a bad mean that just comes out every now and then. I don't have to really work to hard at it; usually it is not really pretty; "Go Nanny on 'em.", Nanny, being Mama and Crazy, being the Going Part of it.
I have always thought I was crazy, because my grandmother said I was going to be. Really what defines crazy? My daughter told her 4 month old, "yes, Preslie Granma is for real, and she is really that silly." Well what should I have expected; I am talking like Donald Duck, getting a little baby to laugh. There is crazy, 400 ward crazy, and then there is doing crazy things to amuse others. I gathered that to have you have to gather what you want; you have to let others know how to treat you. Christmas came and went just like it does every year. This Christmas I did not put the effort I always do into it. This year was the first year that my kids did not sleep in the same house that Santa has visited for 29 years. Two of them have baby girls of their own for Santa to bring toys to. The third girl of mine decided that it was ok that Santa did not come this year. "After all Moms, how many almost thirty year olds are there that still hunt the yard for Easter Baskets? This tradition was still alive in 2012. I hide the baskets in the yard and my adult children hunt them. This past Easter I hid 'My' a new fish in the pond; took him almost a month to notice there was a new white Koi swimming with the others. Casper was his name.
Christmas Eve my three girls and I cried on speaker phone that this would be the first year we had not watched, it’s a Wonderful Life, the night before Santa Came. We reminisced about Christmas' past; the nights that they heard our friends helping put out the Santa Presents. Jessica knew; I didn't know she knew that Tony was the Santa letter writer. The older girls knew, but the baby, Malorie didn't that the red light on the radio tower wasn't really Rudolf's red nose. Setting the stage for the yearly visit from Santa was a huge production to me. From the half eaten cookies to the carrots that Dancer and them left in the front yard. There was always adult Christmas Cheer that could explain how the carrots were pee-ed on once. I will not go into that, our friend may not want that story told.  Life is good, but maybe it was a tad bit better then. I am looking forward to the traditions that they gathered from me. This is going to be my year. A year of doing what I need to. The year will be a year of doing what I want to. I am going to savor every minute with the people that love me. I am going to make the new members to our family know that they have the best Granma ever. My happy year, because I am going to make it be.

List of What I want:

Everything

Ramblings

There are many things that I know, since I have lived over fifty years. One thing that I repeat to people often is, "I may not know everything, but I know a little bit about everything." Really, in all these years of gathering knowledge from everyone and everything around me I have heard it or read it somewhere. A great gift that we can acquire is, finding happiness in simple things.
*Simple things like a cool breeze that comes from out of no where on a hot day
*A song on the radio that reminds you of a special time or person
  (by the way: WQLT is the best station in the Shoals)
*A smell that brings a memory of a celebration or holiday
(like a bottle of Avon Sweet Honesty that got spilled in the gym dressing room)
*The smell of an old persons house, when we still had wood burning heaters
(smelled like food and burning wood; sometimes cigarettes
 *Someone telling you that you look pretty
(my cousin when I had on a white skirt and red top my grandmother made me)
I could go on and on about the simple things that used to make me happy.
This I have came to miss since it is harder for me to be happy these days. I don't want to be fifty-something. I still perceive myself as a pretty person. I am not that anymore. Looks has always been one of the things that I had that made me feel good. The size I am now drives me crazy. It makes me sadder than it really should. I am reminded of it most everyday, by a rub of my big belly. New Years is fast approaching once again and for less than the month of January I will once again attempt to loose some of my fat. Then it will pass as it has for the past few years.
*I will possibly gain another ten pounds by this time next year.
That is really the truth and I might as well face it.
*Oh, and I refuse to join AARP. I am not wanting to be reminded that I am old enough for that. My daughters remind me enough that I am close to, Assisted Living.
*I am still waiting on the day I go crazy; Grandmother told me I would. Oh, maybe I am and don't know it......that's a good thing. What I don't know is not going to bother me.
Fifty to me in my mind is really close to the end of my life. Where did all the time go? I said when I was in my thirties that I never wanted to live with regret; Well, here I am at fifty living with lots of it. Regret that really I caused myself. I wasted fifteen years for sure. I should be at a place of independance, by now. Instead I believed I deserved a normal life of love and home. I have no home, I owe my soul to those who have helped me along the way. One other thing that I have said often is, "as long as I am breathing there is hope." I find it harder to convience myself of that these days. Hope is something that we have to give to ourselves, not let someone give it to us. I have placed all my hope in something that I am not good enough to ever have. I knew from the beginning of this I was not good enough and never would be. I worked, I learned, I got the good job, but I also got older, fatter and more volitale. Middle age is a time to be great from what knowledge is gathered along the way; in a perfect world. There is also the reality that middle age is a time to let what life has done to you show the person you have become. What makes all this not really matter is this life is fleeting. Nothing really matters here if we know that really God is all there is. Fighting back from all the things that happen is a thing that many people can't handle. I am thinking that this is why so many middle aged people turn back to things that they should have outgrown in their twenties. Drugs, drinking, dating, and parties just make old people look uglier than they already are; just look at Quad Cities Daily if you don't believe me. These people have let life bring them down. Farther Along we will understand, why. Farther Along we will know that nothing here really matters, God and Heaven are all we really need to focus on. I have gathered this along the way; no matter how bad things are here, there is heaven to look forward to.

Sandy Hook Children

Farther Along we'll know all about it; Farther Along we'll understand why. If we believe, we can know this the children are happy in a better place. Still hard to imagine something so terrible without faith, trust and love of God. Free will is something God gave us; that is why we should never ask how he could let something so tragic happen. Oh, but what a hard thing to ask of Sandy Hook, today. Crazy guy? What ever happened to just plain sin or evil?   Twas' 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38am
When 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven's gate;
Their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the Air. They could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there. They were filled with such joy; they didn't know what to say. They remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day. “where are we?" asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse. “This is heaven." declared a small boy. "We’re spending Christmas at God's house. “When what to their wondering eyes did appear, but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near. He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same. Then He opened His arms and He called them by name. And in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring those children all flew into the arms of their King and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace, one small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face. And as if He could read all the questions she had He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad." then He looked down on earth, the world far below He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe……Then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand, "Let My power and presence re-enter this land!""May this country be delivered from the hands of fools""I'm taking back my nation? I'm taking back my schools!" then He and the children stood up without a sound. “come now my children, let me show you around." excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran. All displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can; And I heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight, "in the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT.

An Unknown Angel

Joke Today

A GERMAN TOURIST JUMPED IN THE FREEZING WATER AND SAVED MY PRECIOUS LITTLE DOG.

UPON GETTING BACK ON THE BRIDGE, HE CHECKED MY PUPPY OUT AND TOLD ME,
"ZE DOG IS OK. HE VILL BE FINE."
AFTER HIS SELFLESS, HEROIC ACT, I ASKED,
"ARE YOU A VET?"
HE REPLIED, "VET? I'M FRIGGING SOAKED!"

FIfty Shades of Grey

Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.Two days later the three get to the camping site to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire, sitting having a cold beer."Shit Ron, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?""Well, I've been here since last night. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie. She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. Well she's been reading 50 Shades of Grey......On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, Here I am!

Just A Church

Rogersville First Church of God had a bus that came by picking up kids that didn't go to church. This was after there was no longer church at our little Methodist church. I don't know why we quit having Sunday school, at least. My grandmother, Ofie, Cofie, Zokie and Opel were the deacons; if you could call a group of homemakers that. I was thirteen and church is and always will be life’s greatest social gatherings. My reason for wanting to go to church here every service was somewhat selfish; I met a boy. The boy that would be the first boy I ever kissed. Thirteen was an exciting time to have a boyfriend at church. You could go to church and see him. Having someone to sit with at church was thrilling also. My grandmother knew of my boyfriend at church and was not so freaked by it. There came one trip to church camp that my daddy refused to let me go. He was bound and determined that I was not going to camp; and that was final. I even went up after church one Sunday night and had prayer said for me to get to go, one time prayers weren’t answered. That was probably a time my daddy knew better than the one’s praying for me did. The boy moved and that was that. I still went to church there until I was married at that church; one of the few times Grandmother went to that church. She had many critical things to say about The Church of God. Her memories were of years past, when there was a woman preacher. Grandmother thought that was totally inappropriate. The old version of this church was held down at the creek in a brush harbor. From what I gathered it was a shack that they used tree limbs for the roof. I never saw one only had a picture in my mind. Sometimes that could be larger than any fairytale. There was also what Grandmother said about them speaking in tongues. That to me was another puzzle. I had some figuring to do on that one. At first thought the word tongue had much to do with it and a flapping tongue was my conclusion at first. Listen was what I did when around adults or ask way too many questions. It was not long till I got a slight understanding of what the whole tongue thing was about. It was speaking a weird language; when you are touched by the Holy Spirit; got it. I have been touched lots of times, but that tongue thing has never happened in my mouth. The family that was the primary part of the Rogersville Church of God was the children and grandchildren of the women preacher from the church in the brush harbor by the creek in the Corum Hollow. Mary was her name. She had already passed when her descendants organized the church in Rogersville. Younger and more modern they turned to the organized version of their denomination. I never heard weird language, but did see the deep belief in the power of what God can do. I said that Grandmother only went to my wedding, but maybe she did go to the Christmas Celebration. I recall her rounding up gifts to take after I think about it.  We had a revival once that I begged her to go to, because there was going to be a woman preacher. Her soapbox was pulled out quicker than you can say Mary Miller. Mary Miller was the preacher. I had never seen a women preach, either. It was good and not so shocking as one would assume in nineteen seventy something. Where the Baptists, Methodists and COC's had the majority of God fearing people.

Friends In Fifty Something Years

Five Friends and Fifty years a blog a day for five days introducing you to the five people that helped me raise the wonderful girls I have today. Time passes, life happens and things change. I got side tracked and didn't do the five in five days. Side tracked these days to me is mainly not feeling really great. It is either a sad day, a bad day or just don't feel good. Fifty wasted years is what has honestly taken over how I feel. The last decade of that fighting for something I will never have. That is a normal way of life. I am homeless, I owe every waking minute to people that have helped me. My five friends are just shit out of luck, because the debt I have to repay will never be finished. Now I know that I am not good enough and never could have been no matter how hard I tried. Now that I am way over weight and unattractive all I can do is not rest. Stay off the couch for sure. To my friends that I have not written of yet I will squeeze in my lawn mower story. I have mentioned that lawn mowers hated me. On one hot July day; a Sunday, because that was the only day that I didn't work in the Sewing Factory then go to wait tables. I am at the back of my house; that I don't have anymore, because I sold it to get married. I am pulling the cord and the damn thing won't start. The one thing I knew that sometime would work was to take the breather off and pour gas in the hole covered by the filter. Once you did this, holding your hand over the exposed area, pull the cord the gas somehow got to a place where the mower would start. On this Sunday that was not working. I am cussing, crying and sweating like a pig. My friend that I didn't want for an enemy came by to visit; before I knew she was even there, she was pulling out of the drive. I just assumed she didn't see me. She had just enough time to go home and drive her riding lawn mower through Lexington to my house. Without a word or explanation she was whizzing over my grown-up grass. She did this not expecting a thank you; it was just what friends do for friends. The great thing is I had five of them.

This is some of the things I do know; by living fifty years. I am really as nice as people think I pretend to be. I don't ever want to appear to be selfish. I may be a bit in respect to thinking that I have worked hard and wish others thought I deserved to have more. I am a jealous person. I am more so; now than ever. I wonder why I have worked and loved more than most and have less. I am basically homeless; really with only myself to blame. "Farther Along"; a song we sang often at the tiny Methodist Church we went to when I was little, helps me not to live with enormous regret. Farther along I really do hope to understand why? Friends, family, and work are all things I strived to put all my effort into.
Friends I had the greatest. I say had; because I have lost a few along the way. I would like to think that it was just as much them as me, but my life changed thus my place with them changed. My children are having children and I realize more all my circle of friends did for me. There were five wonderful friends that made my life so much easier. I took way too much advantage of what they would do for me. At the time I thought my way of life then, was the way it would remain. In time I would repay them for all they did for me. I did not do this, instead around the time they needed me most my world came crashing down around me. I have said many times, “don’t ever think you have it made, anything can happen. Happen it did. It happened just when I was living exactly the life I had planned.
We all had coffee just about every week-end. We were the click of clicks. Thick as thieves to say the least, we were loyal to each other to the end. I had three little girls. The first of my three girls were twins. I really got baby fever when the first of the five friends had her little boy. He would stay with me as an infant. For some odd reason I thought that having kids would give me something to do while my husband was out and about. I was not wrong, it gave me more to than I ever imagined. It also gave my closest friends at the time lots to do. All five were more mothering/cleaning/thrifty people than I was. Seemed I tried to do everything at once, never getting one thing done. I have always been unorganized.
She would come into my house and yell “I can’t stand this mess!” With that said, she would fly in picking up and putting away all the mess. I was ok at washing and drying laundry, but putting it up? That was a different story. I hated washing dishes; it was obvious by the pile that was always in my sink. I really meant it when I said I took advantage of what I let my friends do for me. She could wash more dishes faster than anyone ever and get them clean to boot. She would start washing and I would start emptying the leftovers from the refrigerator. To this day we say that I would clean the refrigerator every time Denise started washing dishes. The dishes were not all she took charge of; she could make the girls mind much better than I could. Just a month or so ago she said that I was convinced that children were not to be spanked until they reached a certain age. My girls will tell you today that they were better because, my mama and all her friends spanked us. I can still see Denise with a switch. It is still funny. She loved me enough to hang with me and all my mess. Years of seeing each other almost every day ended really when we needed each other the most.
I with some advice of my friends decided that my husband was not going to change, even after the terrible pain he had caused me. I was now going to be different than any of my friends. I would be broke, working two jobs and hoping to find someone to make my life happy and complete. I told Denise once when I had not seen her in a while. I had seen her every day for years and now; I am telling her I am sorry that I was busy trying to work and catch a husband. That may have not been the worst thing to say at the time, but not much longer her husband got sick. She needed me then, much more than I had ever needed her to wash dishes, spank my kids or clean my house.

I thought you might enjoy reading this joke. It sounds like something I would do, but I didn’t. It’s a joke someone forwarded me on e-mail.

 

$5.37! That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a $5 bill, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68," he said cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 51, not even 60 yet? A mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with him. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind!

"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a person elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.

That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I never had any purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus: The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say “ginkgo biloba,” I flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There he stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?"

All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?” At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

He had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake."

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone. Yessss, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my spouse met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat down in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

P.S. Notice the larger type? That's for those of us who have trouble reading.