February 5, 2013

Joke Break & David Letterman Top 10

'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.'
'How much do you charge?'
'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.
'I'll sleep on it,' I said.
Six months later the shrink saw me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.
'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'
'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't room for anyone under there now!'
Top 10 reasons men prefer guns over women:
#10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
#9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
#8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
#6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
#5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4 - Guns function normally every day of the month.
#3 - A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
#2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the Number One reason
Why Men Prefer Guns over women.....
#1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun

Joke Break:
I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar.
Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland ?"
One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"
So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland ?"
And that's the last thing I remember.

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