May 8, 2012

Quote of the Day-Things I Know and An On the Lighter Side

"A good day ain't got no pain; A bad day is when you lie in bed and think of what might have been."~~~Simon and Garfunkel

The early morning is the best time of the day. The afternoon, reminds me of a Doors song. Fleetwood Mac is the greatest band of all time. Simon and Garfunkel music is poetry. I can play my best air guitar to ZZ-Tops Sharp Dressed Man. Purple Hull Peas are the best pea. Sour kraut has to be cooked to go with them. Fried potatoes not stewed or mashed go with peas. The best green bean is White Half Runner. There has to be sliced onion to eat with green beans. Hickory King Corn is the best corn for cutting off the cob. Patron is the best Tequila. Rain has a wonderful smell. The stars are not as bright as they used to be. I can't see as good as I used to; could be the reason. The best things in life are free. I know I never want to be arrested. You may forget what someone said, but you will never forget how they made you feel. It is better to ignore mean. Shower's outside are wonderful. A garden hose is one of my favorite inventions. Watering is my favorite garden chore. I like dogs, better than cats. I love fish; fish pictures, fish glassware, fish ponds, catching fish, and eating fish. I just love fish. Rocks, pinecones and Shells are the better than any gift shop item to bring home from vacation. Coffee, car scented trees, Miracle Grow, nightgowns, and Five Hour Energy's are not bad either. Those are just a few of my favorite things. Forgiveness makes you feel better than holding on to being wronged. Changing the way you think about something is the easiest way to feel good not bad. Try to see the good in everyone. Everyone has made a mistake. I know one bad thing about just about everyone. There is story about everything; some things you just can't make up. You really can't change people. Life goes, la, la, la;  Life goes on.
On The Lighter Side
*Idiot Number One
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she
caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the
ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into
the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened
to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter in to the
emergency room right away.
*Idiot Number Two
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a
life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of
the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river,
they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them. It turned out
that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that
activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at
*Idiot Number Three
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and
wrote this, "Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line,
waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had
seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the
teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to
the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his
note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his
spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him
that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank
of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells
Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a
few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
*Idiot Number Four
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured
his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the
mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent
the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received
a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of
handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40. Wise guy...
*Idiot Number Five
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of
the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the
robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the
shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier
refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber
said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she
didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out
of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she
put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the
robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours
*Idiot Number Six
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him.
*Idiot Number Seven
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head
at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious.
It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was
caught on videotape.
*Idiot Number Eight
I live in a semi-rural area (Weyauwega, Wisconsin). We recently had a new
neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the
removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer
are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them
to be crossing anymore."
STAY ALERT! They walk among us. They REPRODUCE!!

No comments:

Post a Comment