May 18, 2012

The Best Way to Keep a Secret; Don't Tell a Soul

Or, you can commit the perfect crime if you tell, no-one. That is what I almost titled this post.

Everybody knows how hard it is to find that perfect throw on dress. The one that you can wear yellow boxes, tennis shoes, Bobs or flats with; out just bumming around. The dress should be tee-shirt material. It needs to be calm print, nothing loud or bright. My dresses should always be approved by the fashion police in my life. This being my children; three girls. One of which does not take advantage of her face enough to wear eyeliner; the other wears too much eyeliner and the third wears way too much everything. They all dress great and their opinion sort of important to me. Not so much important as entertaining. I am getting old and they even speak loudly to me sometimes. According to them they will provide me with the greatest assisted living unit available. They say in with all the love a mother could ask for. I am not near that yet and I really do hear good. I just tune them out sometimes. Three of them at once is a bit much. Three very strong young women that know more than anyone; because I have done that to them. I have created monsters. My goal was to make them everything that I lacked as a women. Maybe it worked too well. The perfect dress is the ultimate example of what I have brought on myself. The older I get I really don't get embarrassed easily. The finished product of getting all dressed up  doesn't make a whole lot of difference anymore.  The dress was a perfect find, but it was a gown. They discovered the dress was a gown and laughed the rest of the day. Well, my perfect secret of today is that my dress is a gown. They won't see me today, so the secret is safe, today.........
I am not a litter bug. The back floor board of my car is an example to that. It will pile up until I decide that it is time to throw it all away. The places I put it are another secret. This may not be something I need to keep to myself, but I love the little things that I do nobody else, knows. It can't be wrong to clean your car at the gas pumps. It may be wrong to stop at the Dominoes Pizza and put it in their dumpster. I try to do this while there is no one watching. It is another one of my little secrets.
To me french fries are not litter. The top of a double cheeseburger is not litter. Let me give you my reason for this, it is really simple. These are both food, food for the birds, raccoons, possums, deer; any animal the might happen upon them on the side of the road. Food is not litter. I have to give you the logic behind flinging french fries and burger buns out the window. It is because I am throwing away calories. I eat one fry and throw about four out the window, thus I have an order of fries that I haven't eaten that many of. The same with the top of a cheese burger. I got the burger, tasted it and I get the satisfaction of Micky D's. I have this image in my head of the ketchup, onion coated bun splatting a windshield of the car behind me. This hasn't happened, but it could; could really piss someone off, too. Littering with food, another secret of mine. The only thing is this secret is not working, of all the buns and fries I have feed to roadside animals I am still fat.

1 comment:

  1. Folks wear pajama in public these days...but your secret is safe with me. lol

    I don't toss my food...which is why I'm still fat. I don't like to share my fries!!!