No matter what job I had my plan was to work harder and of better than anyone else. I am still called a suck-up. I am also told I take my job way too, serious. It does not matter to me what I am doing, even if it is at home. I want to do it to the best of my ability. I am told I get in too big of a hurry. I can hurry at times and still do a good job.
Grandmother was the reason I was like this. I felt that she would love me more if I worked harder than all the other grandchildren. In my eyes it really did not seem to matter. I was still thought that she cared more for the others than she did me. It may be because I cared so much and did not have the confidence the others had. It really is all in the way you-yourself see things. If you don't like the way something is, change the way you think about it. I never could change the way I thought about things. Inferior is how I felt and that was it. That is because of remembering the upnorth
Pleasing myself should have been the reason that I took work so serious. I want to please others more than myself. This is something that can be a good thing and a bad thing. My whole life has been to help adults, or to take care of them. I still can't stop wanting to do things for other people. The visits from my children even have turned into nothing but alot of hard work for me. My grandmother did the same thing. Everything that was to be a holiday for everyone else ended up being a day of hard work for her. Cooking and cleaning up for a family is a job for a lady over sixty and she did it until she was in her late eighties. I remember being so disappointed when she decided she could not do it anymore. I even went early for years and did the most of it. It was not just the work, it was the stress of the great-grandchildren and us just being there. It made her tired. Funny how you think the people that have always done for you will never get to old or sick to keep doing it. That has always been so sad to me, as I watched the aunts and my grandmother age and eventually die. We all need to stop and think we eat too much anyway. Why does getting together have to include food?
I cook for the fun of it often. That is when I do my best. I love having all day to fix one dish at a time at my own pace. There are many things that can be fixed and placed in the icebox. A good slaw can be grated with chopped vegtables adding the dressing when it is place on the buffet table. Potatoe Salad is another thing if you plan the making of it can be fun to make and not a chore. Boiling the potatoes early that morning or the night before is a good thing for two reasons; they are ready and better because they do not mash up when you mix the other ingredients with them. I mix a dressing for the potatoes and add it just before serving also.
Even when I am in dire need of rest myself I end up putting clothes in my washer, for a visitor to not have to go home to get ready for a date. This seems like not a hard thing, but this consists of running up and down stairs to see if they are washed yet. Then the same running to grab them when they are just dry enough for them to put on as they get out of the shower. Then there is; I have the wrong shoes, do you have any shoes I can borrow? I run to see if I do. Then there is; the jewelry I have doesn't match; do you have anything I can use? No, is the answer to this, I really don't have anything the color of what you are wearing. Do you mind looking anyway? Of, course I do, that's what I do. I love to do for others.
Oh, my I realize now that I have done this not exactly the same thing, but expecting just because they would; having my mama and grandmother cook; help me with my girls; help me clean; asking, my mother-in-law to make dresses, and costumes for whatever holiday they dressed up for. Of couse they did, that's what they did. They loved me and wanted to do all they could for me.
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