May 5, 2010
Me Mommy-- I am known for perms, constantly mispronouncing people's names, and insisting on going to the party. And no matter how many times they roll our eyes and ask please not be so embarrassing, I remind them of all I have done and has earned the right to do whatever I want. Truth is, it's a small price to pay for having someone who thinks they are the smartest, funniest, and most talented. So, this Mother's Day, celebrate me for always being there; even when you didn't want me. Forgive me for coming to your third-grade Halloween dressed as a chicken, holding the hand of your little sister dressed as an egg. I made up for it with the Pebbles Flintstone outfit I made for you to wear. Milk Bone Dog Biscuits make great prehistoric jewelry. Need I appoligize for many of the not so typical Mom things that I did. I wanted to be a super mom. Maybe, I did not come close to super, but I really wanted you to think I was the greatest. This I know I almost accomplished. I can tell you love me dearly. I am a very blessed mommy.
I would say that I wanted to be a mom my mama wasn't to me. That is not true at all as I begin to think really what she did do for me. She did what she could. She did everything I asked her. She walked to the store many times to get me a coke or something. All of her life she liked to walk where she had to go. I loved her regardless of what she did not do for me. She had herself to help. The way she was treated by everyone around her was enough to make anyone think of anything else. She had to live up to the label that she had been given. She loved my brother more than any mother could love a child. "He's my baby," I can still hear her saying it.
I am such a jeolous person that my mother-in-law rearing my girls all the time would have made me crazy. I really got upset one time when a friend of my mother-in-law gave her a picture of my youngest daughter to her instead of me. It is understandable to me how Mama stayed so upset alot of the time. Someone had taken her place. Maybe a place she could not totally fill, yet it had to hurt her. There was nothing else Mama could do. She had no other choice. Daddy had chosen for us to live there with grandmother. Truth be known she was stronger and smarter than anyone around her. She took all the insults more than anyone deserved. It takes a big person to be picked on and not fight back. She did at times go off, when she had taken more than a body deserved. She let it mount till she just lost it. I am that way to a certain extent. I pride myself in not getting angry often, but when I do, look out.
Mama proved to everyone if she had to she could. When we were kicked out of the house up north. She took the job and saved. She saw that my brother and I had what we needed. It may have been better if she was left to make it on her own. She may have stepped up. Alone she did not have to be verbally abused.
Washing dishes was one job Mama and me were to do together. The rest would go into the livingroom to watch TV, leaving us to do the dishes. I hated washing dishes, always have and always will. She was tagged as nothing but lazy by all. That to me is wrong now, but that is what good mama's do. They do things for you. Not making me help wash the dishes was her way of being a good mom. She really did try and I can relate; when someone makes you so nervous it is hard to do anything right.
Mama was more honest and kind than the people around her. She was not mean until someone pushed her. She was jeolous of my friends when I was seeing after her, as I was an adult. Really, she hated most of them. I just did not want to know what she said or did to them while I was not looking. They told me anyway. If she chased them around the house with hedge clippers, I did not want to know it. I have told them many times just don't tell me what she does, what I don't know is not going to bother me. She would have never done anything if she was to have caught them. She stood on her porch many times yelling at them as they walked from the driveway to my house.
I would not have made it without her when my twin girls were born. She was always there; all I had to do was call to her across the road and she would come. When I was without a babysitter she stayed with them while I worked. I was comfortable with her staying at my house with them. She watched them and that was enough. The house was a wreck, but so what. She knew it was important to watch them. That was what she did.
She came over everyday after they started to school to tidy up for me. It was not done perfect, but every little bit helped. She had nerve problems/mental issues, but loved me in her own way. She proved it by trying to make my life easier after I had her grandchildren.